


A Widowed Husband

by Idk34



Series: Navy SEAL Evan Buckley-Spencer [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, There are a bunch of people that have only been mentioned, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan “Buck” Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idk34/pseuds/Idk34
Summary: Buck was once married.Something not even his sister knew.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Navy SEAL Evan Buckley-Spencer [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855924
Comments: 7
Kudos: 216





	A Widowed Husband

Evan “Buck” Buckley-Spencer was once married. Something not even his sister knew.

When they married Buck was 17. The two had been dating for two years in secret, every since Buck had joined the Navy. The other being 3 years older.

The two were attached. Always together-he guess how he knew he loved Eddie. He reminded him so much of him. Maybe that’s why Buck denied his feelings though. Maybe that’s why he hated Eddie so much as first. Maybe it was because they were from the same state. Maybe that’s why he was so drawn to Eddie and resented him at the same time.

The two even though being in love never got married. Well not until they were both put onto Ruby Team, a team that did off-the-books black ops missions. With orders coming directly from the government, only passing through two people in the way, both of whom where close to the team.

There was a reason they never got married. Let’s just say male/male relationships in the navy weren’t widely accepted. Sure they were allowed, and while most respected them, the higher ups, not so much and being young as well as the top of their classes. They didn’t need more reasons for the Navy to get rid of them.

So naturally when Buck was ‘kicked’ out of they SEALs naturally his lover was going to follow. And well they couldn’t lose their two best navy SEALs. So when Buck was brought into Ruby team, they offered him a job there too.

They married less than 6 months being in Ruby team. The others had found out that they had been together for ages and according to Steve they wouldn’t have known aside from the fact that, “We are highly trained Navy SEALs, Buck of course we’re going to see the signs.”

After that, well the two decided to tie the knot. Him, being the ever so romantic one, proposing on a helicopter, hovering over the border of North Korea...without a ring...after a very close call.

The wedding wasn’t very big. Just close friends and family. Their team, Steve, Hondo, Bucky, Brian & Eliot, as well as their commanding officers Eric and Lindell. Clay was there as well as Steve’s husband Danny.

Maddie was invited to the Wedding as well but looking back on it-the invitation was probably destroyed by Doug. And when he finally talked to Maddie again, well He was already gone. And he didn’t want to make Maddie feel guilty for something she couldn’t control. He also did it for himself. He didn’t want to bring up all the pain of losing him again, not after he had already told the two people he trusted most outside of his team(Grace & May).

He-Nate had a brother once. He uh-he committed suicide, he had no family left, no one aside from their found family.

Buck remembers the argument about who was going to take who’s name. They in the end, ended up leaving Bucks name alone, with him hyphenating his last name with Spenser.

Buck also remembers the 5 years they had together. The 3 they were married for.

He remembers the laughed they had. The bright smile that lit up his face while making breakfast. Or the stupid shit-eating grin after he had just done something hella stupid in the middle of a mission, which Buck would than scold him for.

Maybe that was were Buck picked up his lack of self preservation skills from. As a way to keep him living on. Or maybe it was so he could see him again.

Buck remembers all the times they sat at each other’s hospital beds just waiting-no-expecting the worst. But out weighing the life and death situations. The thing Buck can remember the most clearly is the ash blonde, curly hair sitting on top of his head. The light Blue of his eyes, that was close to a grey. The pale skin, slightly tanned with the light dusting of freckles dusting his cheeks and nose. And the dimples when he smiled. The scar just above his eyebrow where he had been cut by a tango because once again, he did something stupid.

He could recall his face in a beat and not miss anything out. He could tell you where every freckle could be found. How long the scar above his eyebrow was. He could even tell you how big his mouth was if he were asked.

Maybe he was stressed. Maybe he felt guilty. Maybe he wanted company. Or just maybe he wanted a peace of clarity from the only person who could give it to him. Maybe he just wanted to be with him.

Guilty- maybe it was too soon to be moving on. But then he slept with heaps of people just to feel again- although he did sleep with them for information, but maybe it was partly for himself.

He was told not to isolate himself after his death. He couldn’t handle it though. He-he needed to leave. So that’s what he did.

  
Maybe that’s why Hondo followed when Buck left.

Buck moved to LA and-and he brought him with him. He would’ve liked it in LA. Maybe theirs another reason he was brought to LA. That’s where his brother was buried. That’s where they talked about setting down when they retired. They had talked about settling down in LA when Buck turned 25. An early retirement. They got payed a lot of money per mission, so they could easily afford it. They had even talked about adopting kids, but not when they still worked for the navy-they couldn’t do that to their future kids. LA-That’s where the pair wanted to go.

Buck became a firefighter. For- for him. His mother & father died in a fire. He wanted him to be proud of him. Buck needed a purpose so he was an off duty-informative. They-the-all the girls wanted to sleep with him before-before they gave him information. So he did it. 

So maybe this was him not coping well. Maybe this is why he didn’t tell anyone about him. Maybe this is why he soul-ly only dated girls.

Hen- A co-worker helped him realise he needed to stop, cope better, even without knowing what it was really about. Buck found other ways to get information, some-not so friendly.

And maybe he is guilty. Guilty about the girls. Guilty about Eddie. Guilty of his late husbands death. It feels like he’s betraying him going out with another man that isn’t him. Or Maybe it’s just the stress of the week that’s got to him.

Maybe that’s why you’ll find him sobbing in front of a grave. Maybe that’s why he’s saying, “I love you and miss you,” to a stone and a body buried under 6ft of dirt.

Maybe the past is finally coming to haunt him. He was so caught up in the mess of being a criminal and having a bounty on his head. He didn’t realise that on this day would’ve been there 8th year anniversary together.

Maybe it’s all the guilt that’s been building up over the years that leaves him in front of this grave, a mess.

And he’ll always remember the time they spent together. And he’ll always live him.

Buck rubbed the gold ring around his neck with the words forever and always engraved on the outside and their names engraved inside them. “Forever & Always.” He said with a little sniffle. He slowly composed himself getting up slowly wiping tears from his face and dusting dirt and grass from his body.

He leans down and presses a kiss to the stone. “I’ll be back soon. I promise.” He whispers as he walks away from the grave.

Maybe he only feels guilty for loving again. Loving another who isn’t him.

Nathan Miller-Spenser

1994-2017

Loving Friend & Husband & Brother

Navy SEAL

“Life is too short. Love while you can. Forgive & Forget.”

It was a beautiful day really. Sunny, bird’s chirping. He’s not sure why he came today of all days, well that’s a lie-its their anniversary-of course he was going to visit him.

Buck feels as though this weather represents him so well. Maybe that’s why it was a sunny day-to honour him.   
  
He could hear the final last words-sentences of his husband whispering in the wind-following him as he left the Gave Yard.

_”You May have been my last, but don’t let me be your last.”_

_“I don’t regret anything I did. I will always do it for you, my love”_

_”I love you. Forever & always._”

Buck turned around at the entrance of the Grave Yard. _“Forever & Always.”_ He whispered once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Heh heh heh...😅
> 
> sorry if there’s spelling mistakes


End file.
